I’ve made it to Red Dwarf and have come out of status. Three million years later. My things are still in quarantine, and will be until tomorrow. I was sent to the mining ship Red Dwarf because their second in command was retiring. This was suppose to be my chance to prove I could handle running a ship, and now all I have to run is a ghost ship. Holly, the computer on Red Dwarf informed me that the crew all died three million years ago in a cadmium 2 leak due to a unrepaired drive plate. Holly said that Arnold Rimmer may be to blame for that one. There is, however, no evidence to prove one way or the other.

But I also found out I’m not completely alone on this ship. David Lister was in status at the time of the leak, so he survived, and his cat was locked safely in the hold. His cat was pregnant and had her kittens and for three million years the cats have been living down there and they evolved into a humanoid like being. In other words they look human, with the exception of their canine teeth, which are pointed and their attitudes which is very cat-like. Unfortunely only one of the creatures is left and everyone just calls him Cat. There is also a  mechanoid on board, Kryten. He was rescued from Nova Five awhile back, I think I might have known someone on that ship....he is a model 4000. Looks like the chewed end of a rubber pencil. Then there’s Arnold J. Rimmer. Once was a hologram, but thanks to some event to where they played with the time continuum he is alive and human again. He was once almost locked up for nine thousand years because of what happened to the 1400 members of this crew. But Kryten managed to talk the Justice computer into letting Rimmer go. Pity actually, so far he seems to be a complete smeg head.

Dave is, well to put it mildly, really disgusting at times. I saw him clipping his toe nails with his teeth. He has this unhealthy obsession with curry and vendalous. He’s okay looking, I mean he’s no movie star, but he’s not half bad either. Not that I would ever want to start anything with him, despite being the almost last two human beings in existence to our knowledge and have the awesome duty of repopulating the species. Those are his words by the way, not mine. It’s a different line then what I usually get, and I do give him credit for being original. And can’t really blame the bloke. He’s been stuck here with Rimmer for the last five years, granted most of that time Rimmer was a hologram, but that makes no difference at all.

Cat is definably nothing like anything I have ever encountered before. Talk about an ego the size of Wales! He believes himself to be the sexiest thing alive, and normally I wouldn’t agree with him but given the situation I have found myself to be in....he is on the constant search for a female cat, and was quite disappointed when he found out that the only female cat now on board is, well, an actual cat. My cat Memnoch. Who isn’t anywhere near taken with Cat...seeing as she has been in status with me along with Jasmine, my dog... when Jasmine came out of my status pod and Cat saw her for the first time will be a day I will never forget! (Hell, waking up from status and being told it’s three million years later and the only ones left of the crew are the four people standing before you is a day I won’t forget!) Jasmine sat on the floor looking at the four guys and growling. Actually, she doesn’t seem to mind Kryten all that much though...probably because he is a mechinoid. But I could tell she is going to enjoy ruffling Cat’s feathers so to speak. Funny though, she never bothers Memnoch....of course Memnoch threatened to tear off her face if she tried anything so....

Kryten. I haven’t had the pleasure of being around many  mechanoids in my lifetime, and apparently Kryten can’t stand not serving someone and he’s been serving David and Arnold...mostly David. I’m not sure about him really. He gave me a look today while I was talking with David...reminded me of jealousy, but can a droid be jealous of another human being? I’ve heard about how some are because they wish to be human, but as Holly has informed me, Kryten was a human for a bit, and had in the end decided to change back. Not that I blame him...being human isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be.(I found an interesting conversation between Kryten as a human and Dave in the medical bay that I found quite funny and could completely understand where Kryten was coming from on the Black Box recorder.) Kryten is very polite and helpful, but I guess David has taught him how to lie, give insults (I hear they’re pretty good, although I have not yet gotten one myself. I guess it’s just a matter of time.), cheat, steal and be rude...basically David has helped Kryten brake his programming...I have not yet decided if that was a good idea or not.

Holly use to have an IQ of 6000....I guess she’s been out here in space all by herself for way to long...in fact, I think we all have been out in space way to long by ourselves or not. She is still pretty smart though, despite a few minor screw-ups now and then...the crew once was able to raise her IQ, but due to a miscalculation her IQ rose to 12000 and her life went down to three minutes...but thanks to a white hole, things went back to "normal" As far as I know, no further attempt at raising her IQ has been tried since. Aside from that fact, she’s rather a good computer. I don’t think she does much more than keeping things running around here, God knows the males on this ship don’t. And we are headed in the general direction of Earth. Not like I’ll be alive by the time we get there....not unless we do manage to up her IQ and she invents a way there quicker. Seeing I’m not doing anything for the next, oh who knows how many years, perhaps I’ll work on that.

And finally Arnold J. Rimmer. I have only two words....HELP ME. I don’t know what the smegging hell happened in that man’s life (Holly has informed me he has always been this way, and it’s not from the fact that he had died at one point.) That has made him such a smegging git! I mean he’s alright for awhile, but then...well he’s just....oh what’s the use? There are no words to describe the man! He’s not handsome, but, like David, he’s not entirely bad looking though. (Despite that see comment on David and also apply it here) He’s just... I obviously out rank him...he’s 2^nd technician or was...and I almost informed him today that brown nosing is not a sport. He’s got a lot of drive...but he channels it elsewhere then where it’s suppose to be...and according to Holly, he’s a coward. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. And despite the whole drive plate thing, he hasn’t gotten anyone killed because of it. Although I have noticed a strange bond between Arnold and David...not of mates, or friends, or really even enemies...I think they just tolerate each other. They both live in the same bunk, even though there are now thousands to choose from. But they remain where they are....together...annoying each other day in and day out. I guess if they didn’t, they wouldn’t have anything else to do around here. The vending machines aren’t in dire need of constant repairs any more now that hardly anyone is using them....(God I could go for a pizza and some lager right about now....) I guess seeing as that I do out rank them both, I could put them to work doing something....but would the point of that be exactly? As far as I know, Cat has never worked a day in his life...with the exception of one week when Holly played a nasty trick on all of them...and the other two...well...it would be better to keep them, especially Arnold, away from anything that could kill the remaining crew members.

All in all, I could be in hell here. There’s nothing to do, and I’m the only female on this blasted create! Unless you count Holly, Memnoch and Jasmine...and granted, I have great conversations with Mem and Jas, but there’s only so much they want to listen to...even if it is telepathically. Holly, well, Holly talks to everyone and there are just some things I rather not share with her in case she accidently spills it to any of the guys. Who knows...maybe I’ll be fine here. I mean I am the highest ranking on board, and have total command of the ship...there’s just NOTHING TO SMEGGING DO WITH THE DAMN THING! It could be worst...although I don’t know off hand how it could be...but I am sure as I get to know everyone, I’ll think of something.(NOTE: From this point on I am fully aware that David, the Cat and Arnold are in the drive room reading this entry as I type it. So anything that follows is strictly for my amusement and their punishment. Even though they really do have a week of watch. This note was made afterwards for clarification to those who read it later on...hopefully no one.) And then again, I might learn to like the guys...and they are males...the only ones around in fact...and it has been over three million years since the last time I had sex....of course it’s a shame really...seeing that none of them are going to have time for such pleasures seeing that they are all (with the exception of Kryten) now on watch duty. I mean Cat, that as of this very moment you, David and Arnold are gong to be walking the miles of corridors with a torch for the next, let’s say week? Yes, week sounds like the perfect punishment for reading a superior’s log. Turn around and smile boys...

Really Rimmer...any fool could figure it out...Kryten just came in with a pizza and some lager...and not to long ago I had mentioned here that I could go for a pizza and some lager...now unless Kryten is a mind reader, and I don’t believe they ever made that model, how else could he have known?? And he did say he ‘overheard it’ and being the server that he is, bless his well, heart, he couldn’t just ignore my request, even if it was made indirectly. I guess you’ll have to work a little harder on the lying thing with him David. Whatever time you have left after watch that is.

The guys seemed to enjoy watch duty last night...not that I blame them though...a lot of walking around doing nothing. There’s nothing out here to worry about...Except rocks, planets, and the occasional black or white hole. There’s not much to watch out for. It’s just us...and us alone.

Which is actually a depressing thought. We could be the last humans in the entire galaxy! And we’ll remain the last humans in the entire galaxy...unless Holly can figure out how to dimension jump. According to the Black Box, they’ve done it before...Dave, Arnold and Cat met their counterparts in a different dimension, which were all female...well, Cat’s counterpart was a dog, which he was none to happy about....in the other dimension everything was female dominate. Basically the complete reverse of our dimension. In theirs it was the men who got pregnant! I would have loved to stay in that one, I’m sure. Arnold didn’t like his counterpart, she was, as far as I could tell, just like him...but female...wonder why he didn’t like her? As for Dave, he got a long well with his...so well in fact that he ended up getting totally drunk and sleeping with her! That’s when they found out that there it was the men who got pregnant. The record is a little hazy on whether Dave had actually gotten pregnant, but there was a return trip not to long afterwards for only a couple of hours, but the record does not tell why they had returned.

I wonder if we were to go there now, if my counterpart would be male...all probability says that it would, but one does not know unless it is done again. And something tells me the guys aren’t up to going back. But then there is a Ace Rimmer who is another Arnold but from a different dimension...his ship could jump one way into dimensions...he had visited the guys before, no idea if he could come back or not, he did mention that it was a one way trip. He left because he couldn’t stand this dimension’s Arnold. Holly seems to be taken by this Ace guy. She actually blushed when I asked her about him. She said he was everything our Arnold isn’t...heroic, brave, handsome, charming, debonair, intelligent, a test pilot in the Space Corps. He got along with everyone except Arnold, and the point in their lives where they went different directions is because Ace got held back a year and Arnold went ahead....sounds strange, but apparently, according to Dave, being held back made Ace fight harder in life, where our Arnold still makes excuses... like this morning...when I asked Arnold why he never fought for things in life he said something like "Why fight when you can get what you need by asking." in other words kissing others butts. I’ve always fought for what I want...it’s second nature to me..I wouldn’t be where I am now if I didn’t fight....DAMNIT!!

For the last two days I have been on a strange planet in the company of strange beings. But let me start at the beginning..

On the night of the 13th I, along with Dave, Arnold, Cat and Kryten were in the science bay. Kryten had found something particularly interesting and had wanted to show it to us. I was walking around as Kryten explained his discovery and found an odd device. It was shaped in a X with buttons and dials in the middle. I had picked it up by one of the paddles and asked Kryten what it was. He had began to tell me, when I pushed a green button and suddenly Kryten stopped talking. I questioned him about it and then looked up. I was no longer in the science bay, I was in a room full of people. At first I thought them to be human, and in a way I guess they were...or used to be. They all had teeth like Cat’s but something told me that they were in no way related to Cat what so ever. And I hate being right. What they were, I had always taken as some fantasy creature, were vampires. I began to fiddle with the device, but it disappeared from my hands leaving me in the room with them. After fighting my way out of the room, then out of the building and into the woods, I ran into a guy by the name of Spike. At first I thought him to be human for he didn’t attack me but instead helped me get away from the blood thirsty pack after me. He took me to a large house and told me that I would be safe here, and showed me to a room. I collapsed on the bed with thoughts of the device running through my head as I fell asleep.

The next morning I awoke only to find a note from Spike saying that he had gone out and would return at dusk, there was food in the fridge if I was hungry and that I was welcomed to roam around the house as I pleased, but for my safety I should remain in the house. I didn’t think much of the note, and it wasn’t until dusk and Spike reappeared that I learned the truth. He too was a vampire. The planet was populated by vampires and werewolves, both sides now knowing of my existence, both sides always fighting one another for food, and that I was neither safe at night or in the day. My first real clue to what he was came when I touched his skin and it was very cold, despite the heat of the day. I didn’t understand why he was helping me, and he never really explained it. I slept that night, but not to well and just before dawn, Spike woke me and told me that my friends had come to look for me, and were now being held by the same vampires I had run into the night before. There was only one plan of action in my mind, and that was to get them out and get back to Red Dwarf. But Spike wasn’t going to let me do so on my own, and since he couldn’t go out in daylight, I was forced to wait until night fell once again.

When it did, it was no problem getting back into the complex I had originally materialized in. I found the device and returned quickly to Red Dwarf to get Holly’s help in rescuing the guys from the vampires. Which was actually pretty easy. Holly made a hologram of me to distract the vampires from the real me setting the guys free. But what I hadn’t counted on was the fact that there were werewolves there as well that night, and it took a lot of cunning from the holographic me to keep them all occupied. She produced a small sphere shaped device that she claimed would emit UV light if she turned it on, which she would do if she didn’t get what was asked for. In the end she had to use the device to give us cover to escape. The sphere didn’t really release UV light as she claimed it would, but instead just blinded everyone with bright white light. I had left the device in a small room not to far away, but when we arrived there we found Spike leaning against the desk holding the device. He wanted to come with us. Arnold was first to disagree seeing that he was a vampire, and then Kryten pops out with the fact that there was enough blood in the medical storage units to easily keep him alive for centuries! A fact I myself never knew. But before anything completely official could be decided the door burst open and we had no choice but to go, taking Spike with us. When we got back to Red Dwarf, we further discovered that according to prodical that if the ship is deserted for any amount of time a hologram of the ship’s captain was to be accessed and we ran right into Red Dwarf’s former captain. Needless to say, him and I did not hit it off at all.

This morning he informed me that I was now the new captain of Red Dwarf, and that due to his holographic state, the crew did not have to take orders from him. He transferred all commands and authority to me and then asked to address the crew about his decision and then be turned off. I have become the captain of Red Dwarf...it still takes me by surprise. That was the last thing I expected when being called into the captain office this morning. So now it’s just us again, with the addition of Spike, who despite him being a vampire, isn’t all that bad at all.

Holly picked up a strange beacon that isn’t too far off course from us, so we are going to check it out, much to the protests of Arnold. I am sure it’s nothing, and is really a curiosity thing for me. And I got to pull rank on him...which has never been a hard thing to do, but seeing as I have a new rank and all...I got him to shut up by telling him that no one would go aboard the thing emitting the beacon and that we wouldn’t pull it in. That the whole thing would be a strictly a hands-off ordeal. But when he turned his back I shook my head to Dave, Spike and Cat letting them know that it would NOT be strictly hands-off. We’ll see what happens. Holly said we should reach it by early tomorrow.

For once Arnold may have been right. We came upon the ship emitting the beacon and decided to bring the ship aboard. Holly said that there were no life forms detected on board and a quick search proved her to be right. Or so we thought.

We boarded the strange ship and found it to be extremely non-man made. The ship’s interior seemed to be pulsing with some sort of life, although Holly insisted that there was no life on board. The walls were covered with an almost living substance which emitted a strange clear liquid. If it was ever a human ship, no evidence has been left to prove it. After finding the ship empty we departed it and was walking through the cargo bay when Holly informed us that a non human presence was detected aboard Red Dwarf. What ever had been on the ship was now roaming around my ship freely. The guys started to head to the drive room, but I lingered a bit sensing something, not sure what it was, until I turned back to head up a flight of stairs and that’s when I saw it.

About seven feet tall, shiny black in color, no eyes, constantly drooling and very sharp, shiny and many teeth. I didn’t stop to ask it questions, I just ran up the stairs and shut the cargo bay door and locked it. I met the guys in the drive room and told them what I saw. Holly ran a check on what I described to see if perhaps this species has been ran into before. Arnold was excited to finally meet an alien, despite me telling him that this is one alien, I am sure he wouldn’t want to meet. Holly came up with vague information on the alien, the file on it was locked. But the information she was able to give us we thought would be enough to destroy it, then we were informed that we couldn’t shoot it. It’s blood was a highly toxic form of acid, not seen anywhere else. So unless we wanted holes in the ship, we had to figure out another way to get it. According to it’s cellular data, what little there was of it, I concluded that it could be subdued by extreme cold. In order for that to happen, we had to use the cytogenetic tanks located in the far end of the cargo hold. I told Holly to try and hack into the rest of the file, that we may need the information stored there to kill or remove the alien. I only hope she can do it.

Our plan is to somehow, possibly using Arnold as bait, get the alien in the tanks vicinity and shoot one of the hoses running out of the tank letting the vapors surround the alien and hopefully freezing it. Although the only flaw in this plan is getting Arnold to agree to being bait. If he won’t do it, then I guess I will have to step in, and hope the guys are good shots, or take the shot myself. This is going to be interesting to say the least. Dangerous, yes. Simple, of course not!

The alien is a class A creature.

Define ‘Class A Creature’.

Class A Creature is defined as hostile, deadly, should be left alone. When come across such a creature, the best plan of action is to avoid it at all costs. Class A Creatures are difficult to kill and are better left alone.

Now Holly tells us right? The creature is a known creature from years before I joined up with the Space Corps. It is called a Xenomorph. And what it had told me, I have found to be true.

List all ‘Ripley’ found in directive.

159 ‘Ripley’ found.

List all ‘Ripley’ and ‘Xenomorph’ found in directive.

1 ‘Ripley’ and ‘Xenomorph’ found.

Ripley, Ellen Lt. U.S.M. Auriga.

My great-great-great grandmother. She dealt with these creatures years before I was born...and they killed her. I always knew my grandmother was a clone of the original Ellen Ripley, she never kept that a secret from anyone. What I didn’t know what the whole reasoning she was cloned and what was up with the strangeness of my particular family.

200 years after Ellen Ripley died on Fiorina 161, scientists on the U.S.M. (United Systems Military) Auriga went to Fiorina 161 and managed to get some blood samples of Ripley. They then tried multiple times to clone her successfully (Nan is number 8) but the reason they wanted her so badly was not because of her rank, or value it was because she had a queen Xenomorph in her chest. From the locked files Holly was able to open, there are four forms of Xenomorphs. Their first form is of what has been called a ‘face hugger’ These little creepy crawlys have about eight legs and one very long tail. They have no eyes and are not intelligent, they will attack anything that moves. They will affix themselves on a victim’s face and stay there until they have planted a embryo into the victim’s stomach, only then will they let go and soon after die.

The second form is the embryo. It remains in the hosts’ body until it has matured, it then breaks out of the hosts’ chest, inevitably killing the host. It is now a long worm-like creature. The final form is the full grown ‘Warrior’ Xenomorph, which is what we now have on Red Dwarf. About seven feet tall, long banana looking head, mouth full of shiny sharp teeth and a tongue that also has a mouth with teeth.

Queen Xenomorphs are a lot bigger and just as deadly as warriors, but are hardly ever seen. Their heads are also shaped different, on the back they have huge fans. The queen is the only one able to lay ‘eggs’ to which the ‘face huggers’ come out of. There is only one queen, and can be millions of warriors. There are suppose to be other forms of the Xenomorph, but the record is unclear of the names or descriptions. Some Xenomorphs can spit acid.

The U.S.M. wanted that queen from Ripley to breed the Xenomorph to create the ultimate warriors. They had planned to train these creatures despite the history showing that these are very hostile creatures. The Xenomorphs broke free and killed much of the crew of the U.S.M. Auriga. Ripley however, discovered that in the cloning process her DNA and the DNA of the alien were combined to fill in gaps. She now had acid for blood and could communicate with them and they would not harm her. The queen changed as well. Instead of laying eggs, she was now able to give birth, much like a human. And the result, according to Nan (Ellen Ripley) was freakish. Looked almost human, but was quite alien. The offspring was killed as the ship ‘The Betty’ entered Earth’s atmosphere. No more details are given in the record, and Nan didn’t talk about the aliens much. She never mentioned that she may have passed down the alien DNA to her children and her children’s children and so forth. Things I can do make a lot more sense to me now. And although the crew of Red Dwarf either don’t see it, or are being polite, I now know what I am. And why the Xenomorph warrior we have on board won’t kill me.

Although this particular Xenomorph is not from the U.S.M. Auriga, they share memories throughout their species, so they know of my Nan and what she did for the species. So now all Xenomorphs, out of respect for my Nan, will not harm any ship or crew that has a Ripley aboard it. No matter how distant the connection is. And mine isn’t that distant.

It came to find me....or at least a Ripley...something is wrong on their home planet and it needs one of us to fix it if we can. They knew they could only come to a Ripley, because we would know it and not harm it. Well. They were wrong. I didn’t know them, did think about harming them, and haven’t decided if I am going to help them or not. Although it assures me that my crew and I will not be harmed, one can not help but wonder. In any rate, I will have to return the Xenomorph to it’s planet, it’s ship is un-operational.

When I get to Earth, remind me to bitch out my family for withholding that lovely little Ripley family secret from me.

It has been a trying last few days for everyone aboard the Red Dwarf. No one is used to having a Xenomorph on board and it comes out of no where! Scared Cat so bad yesterday that all I heard as he was running down the corridor was that I was going to get his dry cleaning bill. The only person it doesn’t scare is me, and that’s only because I can feel it’s presence before it’s actually in the room. In other words, I know it’s coming!

The scutters are in a fit about the extra cleaning though. Seems like the Xenomorph constantly drips that clear fluid, it’s not really harmful to anyone or the ship, but Kryten slid across the room today in a puddle of it that the scutters hadn’t gotten to yet. So I guess in a way, it could be considered dangerous.

Dave had quite the fright this morning waking up to it standing there by his bunk. Gave the rest of us quite a scare as well. Hearing Dave scream at the top of his lungs tends to make one jump out of bed and run down the hall still wearing your tank top and shorts. Spike seems to be the only one not bothered by the Xenomorph, either that or he pretends he’s not. Holly almost shut down the entire ship because of a scare, although, I have no clue what she’s got to be afraid of...it can’t hurt her at all.

I’ve taken to daily swims in the exercise room, usually before anyone one else is awake, or after everyone has gone to sleep. It relaxes me a bit, and I do sleep better because of it. Holly says we should be coming upon the Xenomorph planet the day after tomorrow. I think everyone will be relieved and things could go back to normal around here....not that things have changed much now though.